Downcast
by eloquentfever
Summary: Chandler suddenly spirals into a bout of depression characterised by insomnia and lack of appetite for a reason unbeknowst to Sebastian. Sebastian tries to cope, but it all ends with disastrous results. Sebandler piece. TW: depression, self-harm, suicide, language, and all that pretty jazz. ONESHOT. Complete!


_HI THIS IS SAM_

_I BRING YOU CHANGST_

_this is written in the form of Sebandler. sort of. i think. anyway, warnings for: depressed!self-harming Chandler, suicide, and oh, this isn't beta read. warning: this is not beta read and also, full of mistakes so glance over them. if it offends you then i am sorry okay_

* * *

Chandler Kiehl woke up that morning to the smell of very fresh bread and intoxicating coffee on his way towards the kitchen. He watched his Mother place a slice of thickly sliced toasted raisin bread and then pointed towards the butter on the table with a butter knife.

Chandler shook his head as he sat down at the table. Charlotte pushed the plate towards Chandler and he picked up a slice of toast, picking off the crust.

"You never used to do that," Charlotte chimed in.

"Hmm?" Chandler just looked up at Charlotte.

"You always eat the whole thing," Charlotte began again, as she buttered her own raisin bread and took a bite out of it. "You always also eat it buttered."

Chandler shrugged, as he took a few miniscule bites out of the raisin bread before tearing it down again. He only ate the parts with the raisins. He pushed his plate away and downed down some of his coffee.

"Chandler, eat your food," Charlotte instructed him.

Chandler looked down at the bread, completely uninterested. He groaned in dissatisfaction. "Can I not?"

Charlotte looked stern. "Eat your food."

Chandler groaned, as he picked up the other slice of bread, picking at it for the most part. He got in three more mouthfuls of the raisin part, before he placed down the remainder of the toast in the plate. "I don't want anymore," Chandler strictly said. "I feel like I'll throw up if I have anymore and I really, _really_ don't like being sick."

Charlotte sighed in frustration. "Chandler."

"_What_?" Chandler snippily responded. "What, Momma? _What do you want_?"

Charlotte looked away from Chandler's face for a moment as Chandler exhaled. "I'm leaving," Chandler said, picking up his messenger bag from the chair beside the fridge.

He opened the back door, and walked outside. He mounted his bike and left for school.

After five minutes, he quickly was met with slow driving car as Chandler picked up the face behind the wheel. The window slid down showing a rather surprised Sebastian, raising an eyebrow at him. "Get off that bike, Chandler."

"Nu uh," Chandler snapped back coldly.

"You're gonna fall and break your back," Sebastian protested, as he tried to keep his eyes on the road whilst seldom flickering his eyes towards Chandler, whom was actually going quickly especially on a damned mountain bike. Sebastian shook his head. "I'll follow you, so if you _do_ fall _like I said_, I'll take your body to the hospital."

"Shut up!" Chandler exclaimed, which yet again caused Sebastian to raise his eyebrow.

"You're snapping back at people, now?" Sebastian coldly responded. "Get in my car, Chandler."

"No," Chandler shook his head. "I don't wanna."

"Then don't take your eyes off the road. If you get hit by a car, it's your fault." Sebastian looked back at the road, glancing towards Chandler every few seconds to make sure he was still going. "What got you into a rut? Did _Gossip Girl_ have a bad ending, Chan?" he called out loudly over the blare of his radio.

"_Don't care_," Chandler whined out over his pedals.

Sebastian sighed in frustration under his breath. He knew he'd probably go back really late to Dalton after the weekend was over and his record wasn't perfect, but he also knew he will that he will throw himself off a bridge if Chandler got hurt. After this road, Sebastian was supposed to take a left turn and then he'd be five minutes to Dalton, but he went in for a right, following Chandler at the pace of his bike. Lima North Heights was pretty much just fifteen minutes if Chandler kept on going on the fiery speed he was going at right now.

"You're following me. You're really following me because Dalton was like a turn back and you're…oh my God, you're so annoying that I can't believe—"Chandler cut himself off as he went in for another turn.

"Chandler! What the fuck?" Sebastian snapped coldly. Chandler took that turn on purpose. Turn to a road that wasn't even leading to his school. For the next fifteen minutes Sebastian was just trying to find out where Chandler went and found him having have stopped near a side walk. Sebastian didn't even manage to park and then surged out of his car. He looked at Chandler with annoyance.

"What the hell was that act right there, Chandler? What the fuck was it? What do you think you're fucking doing?" Sebastian snippily told him.

He watched as Chandler pushed him against his car. "Wait, what the fuck are you—?" Chandler practically threatened Sebastian with his fist. Sebastian laughed. "How cute, Chandler. Just adorable. Can we discuss this in the car when I drive you to school?"

Sebastian's face was completely full of amusement. Chandler then proceeded to punch Sebastian in the stomach, which Sebastian didn't really think would happen. Sebastian stared into Chandler's eyes. "Really, Chandler?" Sebastian fake-laughed then pushed Chandler against the pole. Sebastian straight-punched Chandler in his stomach four times and then slapped him up against the pole.

"Are we done here?" Sebastian said, looking at Chandler as he stared at the bruising that was on his face. He'd forgotten how _easily_ Chandler bruised. "Holy shit, Chandler. I am so fucking sorry."

Chandler was abnormally quiet now as Sebastian placed a hand on Chandler's shoulder. "Come on, you crazy fuck. I want to take you home, okay? I have to tell Lottie about this. Your Mom is gonna go bat shit on you though. Fuck."

Chandler said nothing as Sebastian ordered. "Come on. You're fucking lucky I was driving my brother's pick-up so I can put your fugly bike in the back."

Sebastian had taken Chandler's bike out, and had simply thanked God and his pick-up obsessed older bastard of a brother for owning a large array of pick-up trucks. Chandler was already sitting in the front. Sebastian stared at Chandler for some time. "Did I break your glasses?" Sebastian asked, pulling Chandler by his shoulder blade to get a clearer look at Chandler's glasses, which only led him to look at the bruise just below his eye from Sebastian's harsh slap.

Sebastian bit down his lower lip, as he started up the pick-up. He drove for a few minutes before he asked, "So, what the hell was going on in your head today, Chandler?"

Chandler didn't answer him for a while.

"Did you realise, Chandler, that you fucking scared the shit out of me?" Sebastian began, voice edging over anger and also concern. "Did you know that I honestly thought someone was gonna hit you or any of that shit? Did you care about it at all? What the fuck was going through your head? Just tell me, Chandler and I swear that I'll shut up. You hate that bike. You hate biking. You freaking punched me. You won't stop when I told you. You skipped that turn. What the fuck was going through your head through all of that? Are you on fucking drugs or something?"

Chandler looked up at Sebastian, with hard eyes. Chandler leaned back. "I'm really tired."

"What?" Sebastian hissed. "What did you just say?"

"I'm really tired," Chandler finally said again. "I'm really tired."

Sebastian laughed under his breath. "You're a piece of work, Chan. Let's…just get you to bed, and you can sleep all you fucking want, okay?" Sebastian wanted to bring up the topic, but knowing Chandler; he'll dodge around it ten different times and tell him nothing at all so he just gave up completely. If Chandler wasn't confessing, he wasn't confessing. Sebastian managed to get him home. Charlotte looked up from her magazine, dropping it and raised an eyebrow all in the same second. The first thing she registered was the bruising around Chandler's face. "What. Happened?"

Chandler seemed to not want to explain because he went upstairs the minute that his Mother said anything. Sebastian sat down beside Charlotte, putting his feet on the coffee table.

"Well, Lottie, I think Chandler's finally cracked or some shit. He rode that damn bike, and I was chasing him around the entire fucking state until he decided to give up. He won't tell me anything so I just told him to go to bed." Sebastian then sat up straight. "What happened to Chandler, Lottie?"

"I have no idea to be honest," Charlotte sighed in frustration. "He has never acted like that before. It's Chandler. He still needs me to check his closet sometimes for bugs before he goes to sleep after that one time a cockroach managed to find its way to his bed."

Sebastian nodded his head. "He sometimes calls me in the middle of the night when I told him not to watch those damned horror movies and keeps me up until like six in the morning. Dammit. Fuck. Now, my sleeping schedule is as messed up as shit because of it."

Charlotte just looked down. "And when he eats all of that toast in one go. He sometimes eats butter up straight."

"Forget toast and butter," Sebastian shook his head. "His chocolate intake is pretty much enough to send me over the edge and throw myself off a cliff. Don't even get me started about how much tuna he eats. The bastard loves tuna. Dear God, what about all of this shitty clothes he buys? I've never seen someone wear so many damn layers in the heat. Not without dying of some heat stroke or something."

Sebastian laid for a few moments, and then looked at his watch. "Well, I best be calling my Dad and said I threw up or something and that's why I'm not at Dalton." Sebastian walked towards the kitchen, called his Father, told him that he was sick and staying with Chandler – and then Sebastian was home free for at least four days. Sebastian found watching a movie on Netflix, and one movie turned into a whole marathon of the Bourne movies. He then proceeded to help Charlotte with lunch, which was pretty late at around three-thirty. In Sebastian's house, one pm was definite lunch time and he ate dinner at around five or six. Sebastian was starving and had about three slices of bread when he was helping Charlotte.

He looked for the flour at Charlotte's demand, found chocolate chips and gorged on them for the all of the next three minutes.

"Stop it, Chandler. You'll spoil your appetite—"Charlotte had apparently caught sight of the bag but not the person. Sebastian blushed as five-foot-one Charlotte giggled.

"These are fucking delicious." Sebastian said, as he picked up another handful. "Do you cook with these?"

"Oh no, Chandler buys them so he can eat them straight," she sighed. After eating the ones on his hand, Sebastian took another handful before stowing the grand bag away, and then found the four. They made cake (Sebastian even shoved a lot of chocolate chips in it), salmon and rice, along with pie and potato salad. Sebastian realised he liked helping Charlotte around. His Mother didn't cook.

Chandler groggily woke up and yawned.

"When did you fall asleep?" Sebastian was obviously in a good mood after eating two slices of the delicious key lime pie.

Chandler looked at his watch, as he shrugged.

"Better?" Sebastian asked, as Chandler smiled weakly.

"Bassie is happy."

"Yup." Sebastian twirled Chandler as if to prove it. Sebastian watched Chandler pull himself towards the chair and set himself in front of the lunch. Sebastian had sat down beside him. "Are you gonna talk about it now?" Sebastian's eyes suddenly hardened.

Chandler shook his head, sinking into his chair.

"What the fuck is going on with you, Chan? It's fucking scaring me." Sebastian honestly told him as he watched Chandler look down at his plate. "Just don't gobble down all that rice in one go like last time. You're such a fish freak, you know?"

Chandler nodded his head, but he still looked exhausted. He picked at the salmon with his fork for a few minutes before eating the top half of the salmon with a bit of rice before pushing the plate away.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Eat more."

Chandler shrugged, took two mouthfuls and then pushed the plate away.

"Finish your plate, Chandler," Sebastian muttered towards Chandler.

Chandler dully looked at the plate and shook his head. "Tummy," he rubbed his stomach. "Hurts." He looked so truthful that Sebastian finally sighed.

"Fine," Sebastian placed a hand on Chandler's shoulder, rubbing it as Chandler looked up at him with a soft smile. The smile made Sebastian's heart melt. "No more crazy after today, okay?"

Chandler nodded his head. "Okay," he yawned. "Can I go back to bed now?"

Sebastian looked at his watch. Chandler had been pretty much awake for fifteen minutes as he nodded his head. "Yeah, sure," Sebastian said anyway. "Go to sleep. Don't do shit like this again, okay?" he wanted the idea to be implanted in Chandler's mind.

Chandler nodded his head. "Okay," his voice was low, as he got up from his chair. Charlotte fished out a few pills for him. Sebastian stayed the night anyway after talking to Jean on the phone for nearly two hours and a half, when he was watching The Hurt Locker, and went upstairs. He went to Chandler's and saw that Chandler was honestly fast asleep. He decided not to wake Chandler and face cranky Chandler, but Charlotte did find him a mattress. He settled himself on Chandler's bed.

Sebastian had fallen asleep somewhere at around one am after he decided to spend the time on Chandler's Facebook to talk and insult Kurt Hummel. When Sebastian woke up at three am, he found that Chandler wasn't in bed. He walked downstairs, found him in the kitchen, with his head in his hands. "Chandler?"

Chandler looked up at Sebastian. "I'm really, really sorry about today, Sebastian. Really."

"It was technically yesterday," Sebastian murmured, making Chandler smile. So Chandler hadn't quite changed at all. Maybe. "Why did you do it?"

Chandler shrugged. "I don't know. I was just really angry for no reason."

Sebastian chuckled. "That's a first, sounds a lot like me, babe." Chandler nodded his head, and then poked his tongue at him. "Hungry? I can whip you up a good sandwich."

Chandler shook his head.

"Fair enough." Sebastian said, as he watched Chandler down a few more pills for his stomach, before he got up to get a cup of chocolate milk. He watched Chandler sip one of his favourite drinks. Sebastian sat down with him for a while. When they went upstairs, Chandler let Sebastian sit beside him in bed though Charlotte would shit her pants when she found them together, so he only stayed there for an hour before retiring to his bed. By then Chandler, by some unspeakable force, was asleep again. How he managed to sleep all that much and still be tired was beyond Sebastian's realm of knowledge.

He went home at around seven am. Next few days, whenever he saw Chandler, with his beanie, jacket, and all, with that nearly plastic smile, it just…it didn't look like Chandler.

* * *

After school, Sebastian went to pick up some coffee. God knew he needed the caffeine. Sure, school was out but that didn't mean anything. He was just tired right now. He needed the caffeine to function and to make sure he didn't wind his ass up in some stupid place – Scandals was not an option anymore with Chandler around. As he got his order, he found Kurt and Blaine in their standard place. He sat down with them, smoothly smirking at them.

"Oh, hello, Hummel," Sebastian eyed his clothing. "I see you finally decided on your life dream of becoming a Powerpuff Girl."

Kurt snorted under his breath. Blaine shook his head. "That isn't even remotely clever," Blaine criticised.

"Say, Hummel," Sebastian began. "Imagine I am actually tied down to a boy—"

"Tied down? As in together, without the constant going out to have sex with other boys? Hard to believe," Kurt rolled his eyes. "And?"

"What if he suddenly…changes?" Sebastian tried to find a word for it. "What if he kinda just walks out of the house with I don't know – a bike he hates, and I chase him around for nearly an hour only to corner him. He's a happy guy and all, but he punched me. And I retaliated by punching him back until he had a bruise on his face—"

Kurt's face paled. "You did _what_?"

"He wouldn't stop! I thought he was gonna fucking die or something. He's not good on a bike. Actually, he's fallen more times than I can remember and he's…there is something wrong with him. I should know. He started complaining about how tired he was after and some shit. He won't eat anything. Meds don't do anything for his upset stomach. He's kinda bitchy all the time now. It's been nearly _four_ months. He hasn't changed a bit and I keep apologising for hitting him that one time. I got him like a cake—you know what he did?"

Kurt shook his head.

"He threw cake on my face." Kurt snickered at this but Sebastian's eyes hardened. "And then he broke down in tears and I couldn't make him stop crying."

Kurt bit down his lower lip. "Did you ever think that something…happened to him? Something bad?"

"What do you mean?" Sebastian murmured. "He would fucking tell me. I'm the _only_ person he turns to. I'm not just his crazy boyfriend. I'm his best—"

The door opened slightly. Sebastian's eyes met with Chandler's soul-sucking ones. He looked like he didn't care about anything at all. His lips were pressed into a tight line as he walked down the counter. Sebastian walked up towards him. He can see a stunned look on Kurt's face as he put two and two together.

"Hey, babe, I'm gonna treat you. What do you want?" Sebastian asked.

"I have my own money, Bassie," Chandler dully responded, as he pulled out his wallet from his unzipped messenger bag. Sebastian didn't quite leave as Chandler ordered. He had never realised how quiet Chandler can be. His voice was low Sebastian can barely hear him talk.

Chandler took his small coffee. Sebastian shook his head. Chandler didn't usually need a large dose of caffeine but this time, Sebastian probably could shove five million milligrams of caffeine down Chandler's throat and nothing would happen to erase the tiredness off his face. Sebastian gestured Chandler towards Blaine and Kurt. Chandler suddenly paled significantly when he met with Blaine's face.

"You…have to be Blaine," he said, voice low. "Hi, Blaine. I'm Chandler Kiehl." He stretched out his hand so that Blaine can shake it.

"Oh, yeah," Blaine's eyes were obviously full of worry as he whispered to Kurt's ear. "I thought Chandler was lively and animated?"

"He was," Kurt whispered back, with a brilliant, fake smile on his lips as he shook Chandler's hand. "Hello, honey. How've you been doing?"

Chandler nodded his head, as a silver of a smile passed by his lips. "Good. I'm good, Kurtie. How are you?"

"I'm just fine, love," Kurt placed a hand on Chandler's as they smiled weakly at each other. "So, how was your audition?"

Chandler shrugged. "I dunno. I didn't go to it."

"_What_?" Kurt and Sebastian chimed in at the same time.

Chandler just looked back from his coffee to Kurt's eyes then back at Sebastian. "I kinda skipped it."

"Why? Chandler, what the hell?" Sebastian blew up. He couldn't believe Chandler of all people would skip an audition like that. Sebastian had known Chandler all of his life. This was all he'd ever wanted. "Do you want to be stuck in here with me? You were all New York and dreams and fucking Broadway—"

"For once, I agree with him," Kurt finally said. "This is serious, sweetheart. Did…anything happen that made you change your mind?"

"I don't feel like leaving," Chandler confessed. "It's a lot of strain and pressure and all I want to do is sit down and sleep."

"Well, considering you've been sleeping for most of the day, I don't think that you—"

Chandler shot him a glare. "Shut up, Bassie. You just don't understand."

"Then make me understand, Chan!" Sebastian exclaimed, throwing his arms around in exaggeration. "Why are you always asleep for most of the day? Why is it that you gave up on your dreams for no reason at all? Why are you so fucking tired all of the time?"

Chandler looked thrown back by this, as hot tears stung his eyes. "I don't know."

"Shh," Kurt stood up, laying a hand on Chandler, looking up at Sebastian. "Sebastian, we must get him out of here. If he cries, some horrid person will just start harping on him. Come on, Chandler."

Chandler followed Sebastian. Sebastian gave Chandler his toffee-infused coffee and sat out on back with Chandler. Kurt was apparently driving them. Sebastian should've asked where they were going but Chandler was the only thing on his mind. "Hey, drink."

Chandler took a few sips before he placed the coffee in the cup holder in the back of Kurt's car, then he collapsed into Sebastian's arms. Hot tears burning down his cheeks. "Chandler, honey, just please tell me what's wrong. You're scaring the shit out of me right now, babe and it's—"

Chandler mewled as he curled up in Sebastian's arms. Sebastian placed a hand on Chandler's back. "Chandler, babe. Please."

By the time Kurt got them to his house, Chandler had gone quiet. They walked upstairs. Chandler sat on the bed, looking still slightly pale as Kurt had looked through his closet. "I'll let you wear whatever you want," Kurt tried to tempt him, trying to get him to look through Kurt's large closet.

"What the fuck do you do with all of those clothes?" Sebastian muttered.

Chandler picked one of Kurt's favourite shirts, along with some pants. "Those would look lovely on you," Kurt quickly said. "You can even keep them if you want."

Chandler slowly nodded his head, and walked to the bathroom. Kurt looked back at Sebastian. "What happened to him?" his voice was strong and dark.

Sebastian shrugged as a weak smile made his lips. "No fucking clue. He won't tell me or…" he shook his head. "He just won't tell me."

Chandler stepped out of the bathroom, and Kurt fixed the shirt on him.

"Look at you, you look amazing!" Kurt tried to perk him up. Kurt saw a small smile on Chandler's lips as Kurt pulled him up against the mirror, his hands onto Chandler's shoulders just so he can see. The shirt hung loosely on Chandler's frame, and the pants were held by a belt, reaching to abnormal lengths due to the height difference between Kurt and Chandler.

Sebastian snorted. "_Amazing_?" he said, voice a little dark.

"Don't say a word," Kurt snapped back. "Chandler, honey, what's wrong?"

Chandler shrugged, as he looked back at the mirror, as if he can't see how red-rimmed his eyes were from crying. "I just think I'm really emotional. Nothing's wrong, Kurtie. I'm fine."

"You're _fine_?" Sebastian repeated. "Chandler, you look like you belong in a _zombie_ flick for fuck's sake!"

"I don't know what's wrong with me!" Chandler suddenly screamed. "I don't think there's anything wrong with me! This is how I am! I just get upset really, really quick and—"

Sebastian exploded laughing. "Yes, you do, but it's _never_ been this bad before. You never stopped sleeping or eating because of it, Chan, dammit! You don't even sing anymore, what the fuck is that supposed to tell me?"

Chandler mewled, holding his head in his hands and shaking. "I'm getting really, really panicky and my chest hurts and I don't know why."

Blaine seemed to understand because he took Chandler's hands and made him sit down. "Just sit down and calm down, okay? It's a panic attack and—Sebastian, Kurt; I think you should really go out of the room so Chandler can feel better. Talk to me. It helps me feel better when I have one."

Chandler nodded his head as Kurt pulled Sebastian out of the room before he can say something stupid and make it worse, or so, that was Kurt's thought processing.

"Blaine has panic disorder. Don't worry. He knows what he's doing," Kurt wasn't sure he was trying to assure Sebastian or himself. Kurt looked up. "Maybe it's _you_."

"What?" Sebastian snapped.

"You just told me that he's really sensitive!" Kurt exclaimed. "Either you stop pushing on his buttons or you stop being together with him period! Did Chandler start showing any of these signs soon after your relationship or—"

Sebastian was silent but he nodded his head.

"The more you love him," Kurt started. "The more you're hurting him."

Sebastian bit down his lower lip as his fists hit the nearest table.

"Sebastian, if Chandler heard that, you'll be in deep—"

Kurt looked up to see hot tears filling Sebastian's eyes, as they spilled down his cheeks. "Okay," Kurt's heart was hurting him now, seeing Sebastian so vulnerable. He didn't care about being vulnerable in front of his _enemy_.

Kurt ushered Sebastian outside. "Okay," Kurt said. "Whatever you say, I can bet that Chandler won't hear it so you can elaborately curse out the world if you want—"

Kurt looked back up at Sebastian to see those tears glistening in his eyes as his eyes filled. He sobbed. Kurt moved towards Sebastian as Kurt held onto Sebastian.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, Chan! What the hell is going on with him? What the hell could make him act like a complete—"

Kurt had just held him as tightly as possible. "Shhh, it's okay. You can go talk to him. You can—"

"He won't say anything to me!" Sebastian exclaimed, grabbing fistfuls of Kurt's hair just to emphasise his agitation. "I just…I can't…Hummel; I just…I want to slap him until he says something. I want to do something until he says something. He won't tell me anything and I'm just sitting there watching him fucking hurt! I'm not doing anything and I…Jesus Christ, he had a panic attack."

"I'm okay," Sebastian turned around to see Chandler, whom was staring at him with soft blue eyes. Sebastian tried to wipe away the tears from his eyes, humiliated.

Chandler moved towards him and then shook his head. "It has nothing to do with you, Bassie."

"What is it?" Sebastian's voice was edging on rage. "What the hell is it that has nothing to do with me because I have the right to know, Chan? I'm _dating_ you, aren't I? I'm dating you."

"Yeah," Chandler whispered. "You are."

Chandler pulled his arm up and Sebastian got a clear view of his arms. Sebastian grabbed onto Chandler's arm, pulling it closer to look at the criss-cross of bloodied cuts, trailing down to his elbow. Sebastian's hand was shaking. "What the fuck is this?"

Chandler shut his eyes, looking away. Hot tears filled his eyes again. "I don't know," he whispered.

"What the fuck is this, Chandler?" Sebastian repeated. "Please tell me you ran into a car accidentally or some fucker thought he can do this to you and get away—"

Chandler pulled out his object of self-destruction. Sebastian slowly picked up the blade. A thousand questions in his mind, such as why did Chandler carry this all the time? And—"where the fuck did you get this from?"

"If you pick apart a razorblade, you get that blade part," Chandler looked away, flushing considerably right now. His eyes were glittering from the tears that were now falling freely from his face.

"You know how to pick apart a razorblade," Sebastian chimed in and then laughed. "You know how to fucking pick apart a razorblade! Just fucking great! And why the fuck are you doing this? Why the fuck are you so depressed that you decided to cut yourself into ribbons? What traumatic thing—"

"Nothing!" Chandler cut off. "Nothing happened to me! I don't know why I'm like this! I just am and it's confusing me! Nothing happened to me."

"Nothing?" Sebastian repeated. "Don't you dare fucking lie to me, Chandler—"

Chandler shook his head. "No," he whispered. "I wish something did. So I know why I'm sad, but I don't…and it confuses me…and I'm…I don't know. I'm not _supposed_ to be this sad. It doesn't make any sense."

"Promise," Sebastian called out.

"I promise. I'm sorry. I just am sad. I'm just really, really sad and I'm sorry I've been worrying you over nothing."

"It's not nothing," Sebastian shook his head, as he planted a kiss on Chandler's lips. He kissed him repeatedly, trailing down from his lips to his neck. Chandler trembled against Sebastian's touch. "I fucking love you, Chan."

Chandler smiled weakly, but then looked away.

"I'm gonna get you help, alright?" Sebastian finally asked, but Chandler shook his head. Sebastian grabbed Chandler by the shoulder. "I'm gonna get you help, alright?" he repeated.

"No," Chandler whispered. "And what do I have to say? I'm sad for no reason at all. I have a good life, a Mother and a boyfriend that love me, and I'm still sad enough to cut myself? Do—"

Sebastian placed a finger on Chandler's lips. "Yes," he whispered.

Chandler nodded his head, trembling. "Okay," he whispered.

* * *

Sebastian tossed to the other side of his bed. It was three am. _Give me one good thing about me. _

It was one little message Chandler had sent.

Sebastian shut his eyes, half-asleep. _You like helping people and you'll always help people. Go to sleep, Chandler._

_Okay,_ Chandler replied. _Goodnight, Bassie._

_Night._

* * *

Sebastian went over towards Chandler's room to pick him up that morning. He knocked on the door, groaning. "Chandler, this is a hospital we're going to! Not a fucking beauty show!"

He debated on opening the door, or not. Usually, a closed door meant that Chandler was changing. "If you're naked, then there's nothing I haven't seen."

He opened the door, causing a box to slip over. They were boxes that were just full of vials that were filled with blood. Sebastian seemed confused for a moment, before he ran towards Chandler, whom looked like he was asleep.

"Chan?" he shook the unresponsive boy that was lying down, shaking him. "Chandler?"

He checked his pulse, which was non-existent. He shook his head at the blonde. "Fucking Hell, Chandler." He looked so peaceful, nearly just asleep, until Sebastian touched his skin and learned that he was.

He slammed his fist into the table, eyes full of tears as he actually processed the fact that Chandler had successfully managed to kill himself. "Happy now?" he snapped. He'd call an ambulance but a fucking dead person was a dead person. There was no chance. His wrists were done with, his pulse didn't exist, and he wasn't breathing. What the fuck can they do for him? Pronounce him dead? Because Sebastian didn't need to hear that right now.

He moved towards the boxes, because they were less painful to look at than Chandler. "Isn't there a suicide note for this type of shit? Anything?" he stared back at Chandler, shaking his head.

He looked back down at the box, and then pulled the vial of blood. Who the fuck collected blood anyway?

Sebastian then realised there was a note attached at the end of the box. He pulled it up and then shook his head. "Fucking Hell."

_Blood Type O positive. I'd be okay if you let people pick me apart because they need an organ. That's a lot of blood, Bassie. A lot of lives I can save._

"What kind of twisted fantasy are you living in, Chan?" Sebastian called out. "Oh wait, nothing because you're dead! I don't care about anyone's life! I care about yours and you're _dead_!"

"You're…you're dead….you're _dead_." Sebastian crumpled the paper, throwing it across the room, and pulling his head in his hands. "I'm all alone."

Sebastian wiped his tears away angrily. "Nobody else will love me."

He looked back at Chandler. "I'm sorry."

He chortled, as he picked up the vial of blood, twirling it between his fingers. He can imagine Chandler with his syringe, just taking out blood day by day until he'd just die of anaemia. Maybe that was what happened. He'd never know.

"Chandler?" he called again, afraid. He chortled, shaking his head. "I love you," as if the words meant anything.

He moved towards Chandler right now, dropping the vial down. It fell on the carpet, without breaking. He curled up next to Chandler's body, pressing his head against his shoulder. "I love you," he repeated, pressing his head against Chandler's body.

He didn't smell like Chandler anymore. Sebastian shook his head.

He chortled, but it only made tears fill his eyes faster. He sniffed, hearing himself sob. "Guess I better cancel that Doctor's appointment."

* * *

_I HAVE TO GO TO BED_

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


End file.
